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On This Day Last Year: Dealing With Depression and Un-Acceptance


Good Wednesday, all! Although there is no Writers Wednesday this week. I am going to share this post published from last year. I hope that this helps you and that you enjoy it!

(Note: There are a few edits to this post.)


I was always different, I always knew it and  I hated it.

black girl drawingGrowing up, I never really felt accepted nor did I accept myself. I was an African American girl in a Caucasian world. Everyone was smarter than me and everyone had more things than I did. Although no one told me that being black is ugly, no one told me that being black is beautiful and unique.

I grew up hating my skin, my hair, my eyes, my lips, my nose and the list goes on. What made matters worse is that whenever I would go around a group of other African Americans, they always treated me differently, as well; they would hear the way I spoke or know of the neighborhood I was in and treated me like an alien.

depressionI felt that I was too black to be white but too white to be black. I had no true best friend so I just shut the world out and kept to myself. I would greet people politely and get to know them on a surface level before retreating to my books.

I took these insecurities into my teenage years where things became significantly 3 crossesworse. My parents where getting  a divorce, the shaky Christian faith that I had was being tested and ridiculed by others and I was alone.

For two years I went through the deepest valley of depression, anguish, and anger that I’d ever been through. I frequently cried myself to sleep and even contemplated suicide. The only reason I didn’t go through with suicide is because I could not find a painless way to go.

Finally my father said to me “You have to recover from the hurt so that you can live.”

Of course, I brushed this off at the time but some funny things began to happen.

 One day, my father came home from a meeting and began telling me his story of recovering from the divorce and his main message was that God got him through it and how much he trusts him. Then, we began a devotional about faith together.

bible Afterwards, I went to my room to read one of my personal growth books and the chapter that I flipped to was a chapter on faith and how to acquire it.

 The next Sunday, the preacher was talking about, you guessed it, faith. And when I went to work later that night (having nothing to eat all day) I decided to trust God. Little did I know that this is the day that my boss decided to buy dinner for all of us because of a message he heard on doing things for others. The thing is, he has never done this for us before- at least, not while I was there.

 I think I needed to learn a thing or two about faith.

 This situation of affirmations is the first of several that I remember but it was the most important lesson that I’ve learned so far.

 You see, faith made me realize a few things about myself.

 Because I am different than everyone else, it is easier for me to stand out in a crowd and even make a difference. I have an advantage because I can communicate from both my culture and the culture that I had to be integrated into.

 child working hardAnd though everyone seemed smarter than I, I am willing to work harder than they are because I know that I have areas in which to grow. This, in turn, can make me smarter and take me further. I learned to go against the grain of society boldly and to stand up for what I believe in because I know that it will all work out for me.

 I know that a lot of people often doubt and ridicule people who are Christians but I know that God saved me. That’s it, end of the story…God saved me. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be here today.

 I wouldn’t be able to accept my insecurities as strengths so that I could use it to build someone else up.

 

Faith is how you, too, can go from dejection to rejection. Christianity is not about going to hell, it’s about faith, hope and love. It’s about having  a relationship with the Creator of the Universe who made you for a purpose, you just have to go do it.book journey

If you want to have this, all you have to do is ” you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

If you have questions or comments please feel free to ask them…even if you feel they aren’t worth much.

You can contact me privately at thoughtfulmindsunited(at)gmail.com.

 

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not die but have eternal life.” John 3:16


“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:8-10

Guest Post by Felicia of TMUMy name is Felicia and I am the founder and current administrator  Thoughtful Minds United. I have been blogging for over two  years using platforms such as Weebly, Dreamweaver, WordPress, and beyond. With that  being said, I have made countless mistakes but have also learned many lessons along the  way that I will share with you in order to make your success journey a little bit easier. You can find us on Twitter, as well!

 

8 thoughts on “On This Day Last Year: Dealing With Depression and Un-Acceptance

  1. Each one of us is unique. During a long time I´ve done what I was suposed to, according to my education and to the world I live in. A few years ago I´ve decided to “be me” (and it´s still a work in progress) – I don´t want to disappoint the ones I love (and the ones that love me) but I´ve got my own way, and even if it´s a wrong way (I hope not), it´s my own…
    Felicia, You´re a very talented person (and as I´ve told you before I don´t care if you´re black, white, yellow or green)and you must trust yourself and do what you think is correct. If God helps you I feel happy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can empathise with being different. I grew up different, never quite fitting into one culture, but not a part of another either. I am in a minority in almost every aspect of my life, and that is hard, sometimes more that others. I’m not religious, but I do find strength in believing that everything is as it should be, that there is some reason for all of this, even if I can’t quite understand what that is. Maybe I’m not meant to. We all find strength in different things. I’m glad you’e found yours. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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