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I am a Bruised Peach: An Open Letter to my Friends

Fairen

Dear Friends or Former Friends,

I love you- each and every one of you. But I feel that there are some things about me you must know.

First off, I am bruised.rotten-peach

While the self-confident and business driven Fairen is often what you see, you fail to see the other half of the peach. If you were to  flip the ripe peach over, you would see all the dents and bruises I bear; all of the events that make me who I am good and bad.

I wish I could show you more. I long to show you this side but my life has taught me not to trust which makes it hard to do what I know is right.

I wish I could tell you how introverted I am and that the outlandish extroversion you see is something I learned. I wish I could tell you how much I prefer for you to dominate the conversation while I sit and listen. And though it may seem that I do not care or am not responsive, I am always listening and watching.

I wish you would come to me more often and tell me about your trials and triumphs for they are not burdens to me.

There is yet another part you need to know. The awkward silences are not awkward to me- I actually love them. Yet, because you are extroverts, I do notice how uncomfortable it makes you feel. I am sorry.

Dear friend, all I ever desire from you is your acceptance and trust.

I have a lot of bruises and so do you.

hug-1315552__180I wish I could show you how deep my depression goes only to rise within the next second. I wish I could tell you how many times I have thought of exiting this world only to hear God say that I’m not finished. I wish I could tell you how truly tired I am and have you hold me just for one minute.

It’s not you that holds me back from saying these things but me. My life has informed me that no one cares and that vulnerability will be used against me.

I know that it’s not true but a part of me still believes it. I’m sorry to be this way.

I struggle day in and day out- much like you but each day keeps arriving so I must keep living.

Dear friends, these are the things I wish I could tell you but I simply can’t.

It’s not you and it’s not your wrongdoing that prevents me from saying this to you- I just can’t for some odd reason.

But I want you to know that I love you and that I am a bruised peach. You, too, are a bruised peach and that is what I love about you. I love your messed up life and how you are able to keep on living in spite of it.

Keep Living,

Fairen

 

 

22 thoughts on “I am a Bruised Peach: An Open Letter to my Friends”

  2. Pingback: Writer Wednesday Challenge: Write an Open Letter to Yourself

  4. You are right that we are all bruised, everyone in their own way. That’s why we need each other. I admire your grit, the candor of your post and I stand with you, Fairen. Each day at a time. ❤

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  5. OMG 🙂 I´ve been writing for TMU since 2014 as you know – Maybe people think that I´m very extravert but I´m not, Many times I prefer to stay at home “on my own” and when I have to go to a place where I don´t know almost anyone I never feel comfortable. So keep on as you are.

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  6. Thank you for honesty Fairen. I may look appear to be extravert but truth to tell I am a very private person and would much prefer to be ‘hidden’. What has taken me ‘out’ and almost propelled me is the current situation in the world. I see the absolute take over by what is dark, horrible and down right evil. Because I do have strong faith and a lifetime of living it….that’s why I began my blog. Please know if ever I can be of help in any way please let me know. Life is truly an amazing journey and you have so much further yet to go and many surprises. x F

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  7. i dont read the comments and just scroll down to comment mine. because i want to write what i thought and got ffrom your writing without the influence of other ones.
    that was so intense and beautiful, my mouth opened and eyes widenned. real. so real it was. so believealbe and then making me wonder if it was true. and mixing it up in my head and not really knowing exactly but trusting in the fact taht i do and it can be taken in various channels in our minds, these spaces we create. oh, it was beautiful.

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  8. Oh dear Fairen, I relate to so much of what you write. Keep being you — bruised peach/ripe peach, whichever part of you feels like being exposed. All parts are beautiful. I walk that line and fake extroversion when I want to hide. I love holing up at my desk and often feel uncomfortably exposed when I must face the world. And dammit I must. Sending you love and oxygen, especially during the inevitable tough times. xoxo

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  9. I think what you are feeling, many of us feel exactly the same way. We try to put up a facade of confidence and competence while, perhaps just under the surface, there is a churn of emotions and doubt. I personally tend to feel that this is natural…what make all of us human…and there is nothing wrong with being this way. At the end of the day all anyone can ask is that you try to put your best foot forward.

    To err is human. To doubt is human. To be “battered and bruised,” well…that is living life. I think I have learned more from being “battered and bruised” than from all my successes. The fact that you recognize your struggle and still persevere every day – well that is greatness in itself.

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    1. Thank you Vic! I agree it certainly is part of life. However, I wish people would show more of this side so that there would be more understanding. You see, I cannot even share this article with my family and other friends.

      Anyways the fact that I’m still alive is by Gods grace

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      1. It is indeed a shame you cannot show your family this article. Perhaps it would allow them to get to know you a bit better.

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  10. As I have told so many people. I will expect perfection from you, as soon as I can set the example. Everybody is quite safe for the foreseeable future! Enjoy, and celebrate, being a peach… even a bruised one! The perfect peach is almost certainly fake! 🙂

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  11. Oh, how I relate to this, most especially “that vulnerability will be used against me” and “I wish I could tell you how introverted I am and that the outlandish extroversion you see is something I learned. I wish I could tell you how much I prefer for you to dominate the conversation while I sit and listen.”

    My recent expansion is almost to counter that first vulnerability bit: If I lay it all bare, you can’t make it hurt because I have already owned it. It feels like a better approach some times than others.

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    1. I’m glad that you relate to this! Sometimes this does seem like the best way but it is those times when you haven’t owned “it” but want to show someone else. That is the scariest for me.

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