My Great Grandma died today but it’s okay.
She was 107 and I wasn’t close to her anyway.
No, not insensitive but just detached.
I find that I’m like that with most things, in fact.
Not too much happiness, not too much sadness.
Because if I have either, I’d be full of madness.
Vulnerability is an asset of mine but why do I act like I lack it?
I know the answer, I know it’s true.
I hate the rawness that’s due.
I don’t like feeling exposed.
I’d rather feel opposed.
Needing and loving someone takes a lot.
It takes the strength to be openly sought.
It takes the courage to pull my heart out while you inspect it.
Every vein, every pump, you get to dissect it.
Instead, it’s much easier to wear a mask.
I’ve done it for years and can focus on other tasks.
But that’s gotten me nowhere and this I know.
It would be better to open up and let it all show.
For I am getting older, wiser and even bolder.
Too many victories to say it’s all over.
So I will keep on, I will be fighting,
to see the world change till the end of my timing.
—-
This was began a couple of weeks ago when my Great Grandmother past. It was spur of the moment so syllable counts was not my first priority.
Plus, it’s my birthday!!
thoughtfulmindsunited.com 
Happy belated birthday. ❤
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Thank you!
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Happy Birthday (again). Understanding exactly what you mean and who cares that much about syllable count when you’re expressing what you actually feel. Great post, Fairen.
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Thank you so much!
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Reblogged this on Fairen Fields and commented:
Originally Published in 2015 after the death of my 107 year old great Grandmother
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⭐ Happy Birthday, Felicia! ⭐
Also, Wow, congrats to your great grandma! She made it to to 107. Phenomenal!
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My condolences. I also wish you a happy birthday
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Thank you!
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Wow! I just returned from a memorial for a dear friend. We were very close until her mind deteriorated. She wasn’t my old silly friend anymore. Someone very angry and distrustful. It hurt to hear and see her like that. I had to stay away and help from afar. When I heard she past, I was numb … or was it indifference. Deep down I cared, but my heart stayed guarded. I hurt for her children and her family. They love her so much despite the difficulties. Tonight I read your thoughts. Amazing. Thank you for your expressions. I send you my sincere condolences, but I also understand. Hugs.
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I’m sorry to hear that. It is the least I can do 🙂
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My condolences for your loss. I felt very similar when my Grandfather passed, I seemed very numb and wondered if there was anything “wrong” with me. We all grieve and deal with loss differently, I hope that you are able to find some comfort and closure.
Take care.
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Thank you 🙂
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